Pairing: Kerry/Kim
Rating: PG
Words: 2,941
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters have been borrowed without permission but without any intent or purpose of commercial gain.
~~~
‘Hmmm...’ -I breath deep and evenly trying to recognize the slightly fruity and fresh scent emanating from my colleague. ‘Fendi...? Nah... Fendi’s different. Banana Republic’s Classic? Yeah... that might be it... God, it’s good...’
“Well, I got to run. Dr. Weaver is expecting me to go with her to this meeting across town...”
“A meeting?” -I ask.
“Yeah, we have a meeting at Mercy’s... ‘Psychological Interventions for Trauma Patients...’ you know, one of those stupid seminars that assumes one knows nothing about psych interventions in the ER. Got to run, okay? You know, things to do, people to see...”
She smiles and pads me on the shoulder, then leaves.
Suddenly I am shaken by a flow of emotions. ‘Kerry did not mention any seminar this morning. Hmmm... this is so unlike her. Well, perhaps it was one of those spur-of-the-moment Romano shitty things but still, she would have called me...’
My pager sounds and I retrieve it to check it. It’s Kerry.
Smiling I think, ‘ESP...’
I flip open my cell phone and call her back.
-“Hi baby! Where are you?” -She asks as soon as she hears my voice.
“Just in Magoo’s getting a cup of coffee”.
“Listen babe, I have to go to Mercy’s. I have a psycho babble seminar. Is Gillian there with you?”
‘Does her voice sound too excited when asking about Gillian, or is it my imagination?’
“She was. I think she just went inside to get her things”.
“Oh, okay. Can you find her and tell her to wait for me at the bay? I still have to go get the car...”
“Yeah, sure...”
I stop in mid sentence. All of sudden and for some unknown reason, I feel inadequate and absolutely, uncertain.
In three words, I feel jealous.
“Ker..?”
“Yeah honey..?”
“Can you call me when you get back?”
“Of course, I always do. I don’t think it’ll be more than a couple of hours. I’ll call you, okay? Got to go, now”.
“Ker...”
“Uhhumm..?”
“I love you...”
“I love you too, babe. See you later?”
“Okay, bye then”.
“Bye”.
I flip the phone and now I am certain that I feel a combination of rage and jealousy. Half of my brain understands perfectly well that this is a work-related activity and that there is nothing suspicious or strange about two colleagues going to a seminar together. The other half... well, the other half is ready to decapitate Gillian for... what? What?
I stand up and leave a couple of bills on top of the table. That should take care of the coffees. I breath deeply, trying to compose myself. I accomplish the desired control only partially as the leash works well in my body, not so much in my soul.
However, I do manage to quiet my mind to stillness by force, ‘Oh come on Kim, get a hold of yourself. This is Kerry we’re talking about here. I mean, she loves you, she asked you to marry her. She gave you a ring. Get a grip for Christ’s sake!’
I throw a couple of crumpled napkins in the garbage bin outside the ER entrance and as I’m about to enter, Gillian comes out.
“Gillian, Dr. Weaver asked me to tell you to wait for her here at the bay”.
“Oh, thank you Kim. Perfect! I’ll see you later Kim, okay?”
“Sure...”
I enter the ER but just before the doors close behind me, I hear the sound of Kerry’s car horn. I turn.
Well, nothing earth-shattering takes place. Gillian waves and walks towards the car, opens the door, gets inside and the car leaves. Simple. Nothing out of the ordinary.
I sigh.
‘See..? Nothing to it Kim... nothing to it...’
~~~
“So you walked him out the ER? What were you thinking, I mean, he could have...”
“Yeah, I know... I wasn’t really thinking... Dr. Weaver?”
“Uhummm?”
“Would there be a problem if I called you Kerry? I really like your name”.
‘Did she just say she likes my name..?’
“Sure Gillian, you can call me Kerry. You like my name, uh? That’s weird...”
“Why is it weird? You don’t like it?”
‘Is she leaning towards me?’
“Oh no, I do. It’s just not very common”. -I answer softly, distracted by her
hand touching my forearm. ‘Whoa…!’
“Yeah, actually quite an uncommon but cute, Irish name. I like it, I like it a lot... Just the way I like you...”
‘I must be hearing things because I’m almost positive she just said she liked me a lot...’
“Pardon?” -I stutter a response.
“Doctors please, let’s start today’s session...”
‘Good God! Saved by the bell’. -I think as I try very hard not to let one muscle twitch. As I try hard to control my breathing that had accelerated in the past 30 seconds, I carefully roll my eyes down only to discover a couple of fingers still resting by the crook of my elbow. ‘Oh shit! What the hell is this?’
And then, for the ‘piece de resistance’, she leans to me and whispers in my ear, “Kerry, I said that I liked you a lot...”
All I’m able to do is turn around and shyly smile at her.
‘Huh?’
The seminar goes on as expected. Nothing new or outrageously note-worthy takes place. Gillian takes the required notes and every so often, glances my way. I ignore her pretending to hear the words of the speaker. However, she pulls me in, dragging my attention to her every time I sense her gorgeous hazel eyes, over me.
‘Oh God... Am I being unfaithful? Is this how flings begin? Oh come on Kerry, get a grip! The woman is not flirting with you… she’s just been… friendly… Breath and relax Kerry, breath and relax…’
Instead of my breathing, I sense hers... so close to mine. Suddenly, like before, she’s upon me.
Again, she leans. I can feel the mass of her torso, the heat and softness of her body on my right upper arm and her soft, deep voice in my ear. I flush.
“Would you like to have lunch with me?”
I am paralyzed by fear. I can’t answer back nor are my eyes able to meet her defiant gaze.
“So, would you?” -She insists.
“Uh... uh... I don’t know if I should...”
“It’s just lunch Kerry…”
“Yeah… -I swallow hard. My hands tremble. My heart jumps inside my chest- … sure…”
“Okay, let’s go then”.
She stands up and offers me her hand. I take it, not exactly knowing why and instantly she squeezes my fingers and smiles at me.
‘Shit’.
~~~
Easy...the world is regaining its balance.
‘What do I have to worry about, I mean, I’m imagining things… Gillian is pretty, intelligent and appealing but she has not shown any real, and I mean real indications of liking Kerry romantically or sexually. No, no, no… No way! Sooo, easy Legaspi, easy. Okay, so you can be a little jealous… so what, right? But things are okay… Kerry is yours and you’re hers and that’s the end of the story’.
So, I do my best to concentrate in the charts in front of me while the minutes tick, one at a time.
“Is it ever going to be time for lunch?” - I shout.
~~~
‘And…there she comes…The girl is definitely beautiful, objectively, I mean. She speaks well, looks to be well read, good upbringing. She’s intelligent too… who would have thought? And gallant… yeah, gallant…’
“Hey Kerry…” -She greets me with her gorgeous velvety voice.
“Gillian…”
“You had been at Mercy before, right?”
“Yeah… only a few times, though…”
Gillian stares at me like a ten month-old would at his milk bottle. What determination in really listening to every word I utter. Look at her. Her left arm bent over the table, left hand hugging her long neck while her other hand rest in her lap. Ears uncovered, mane falling down her back. Her expression of absolute concentration. I am petrified as much as I’m delighted by all this attention.
“What do you do when you’re not at County?” -She asks passing her hand over her golden hair and bringing her mane to one side of her head.
“Uh… you know… the usual… movies, concerts, flower shows…”
“You like flower shows?”
“Yeah… does that surprise you?” -I ask with a smile on my face.
‘What are you doing Weaver?’
“No, actually it doesn’t. You look like the type who would…”
I can’t help it. I have to bite the bait.
“Uh huh… and what type is that?”
Her face sketches a wide smile revealing her perfect, impossibly white teeth. Her lips move as to answer but suddenly, stop. She smiles again and ventures forward.
“Like the kind who likes flowers…”
I smirk at her as we both know, or at least I think we both know, that her answer is not the one I expected.
“Yeah… I like flowers a lot”.
“That’s sweet. What is your favorite?”
‘Careful…’
“Uh… it varies… roses primarily…”
‘’Where are you going Weaver..?’
“But not just red, right?”
‘Fuck’
“Uh… no… not always…”
‘Kerry, are you for real..?’
“Mixed… the ones that have borders in contrasting colors, am I wrong?”
I’m blushing and in sheer panic. I have to go back, this is too much.
“Will you excuse me? I have to go to the Ladies room…” -I ask hurriedly as I stand up. Not believing my own eyes, Gillian gets up too, stands behind me and moves my chair back allowing me easier access. Just like any courteous man on a regular date.
‘Oh Lord...’
“Thank you”. -I mutter to her, shyly.
“You are always very welcome, Kerry”. -She says in what appears to be a very soft, tender whisper.
‘Whoa...! This is way too much, way too much…’
Running, literally, I manage to escape to the Ladies Room and frantically get inside. Once there I lock the door and lean on it. I try to catch my breath and place my left arm upon my chest feeling my heart leap wildly inside me.
“I can’t do this… I can’t…” -I whisper to myself- “… I can’t”.
Shaking my head I walk a couple of steps and lean against the sink. Nervously, my fingers turn the faucet and cold water starts pouring out. I cup some in my hands and spread it all over my face.
“I have to go back home”. -I say to myself.
Gathering my lost composure, I head back to our cafeteria table.
Time to go home.
~~~
“You’re back? Oh honey… I’m so happy you’re back…” -I say as soon as I hear her beautiful voice.
“Kim honey, I was just out for what, three hours? It’s not like I was away for weeks! Are you alright?”
‘Okay Kim, pace yourself. You don’t want to alarm her. Easy… breath…’
“Yeah I’m sorry, Ker. How did it go?”
“You know, the usual, boring stuff…”
“Did you have lunch together?”
“Well yes…uh... it was kind of ... uh... lunchtime you know…?”
‘Is she stuttering? I think she just stuttered there for a minute…’
“Uh… yes… that’s why I asked, Ker”.
“Sorry babe, I’m just bothered by the fact that the thing took longer than expected and it wasn’t really productive, you know?”
“Yeah… I know how those things are. And where did you have lunch?”
“Uh… just at the cafeteria… listen, I have to run babe, okay? Talk to you later?”
‘Why is she in such a hurry?’
“Do you have a trauma coming in?”
“No, not really, I just have to get going in some things. I’ll talk to you later.
Bye now”.
“Bye…”
I sit here in my office. What did just happen? Nothing really. She came back, called me, we talked. The usual.
So, why do I feel like something is not right? Why is it that I can’t breath? Why do I feel so afraid?
“Snap out of it, Kim! You’re imagining things!” -I say to myself, trying to sound as enthusiastic and upbeat as I can.
Shaking my head I try to destroy the anxiety that suddenly washes over me.
“Easy… breath… see?”
But I don’t see.
I can’t see…
~~~
The rubber point of my crutch makes some noise as I slowly walk on the soft gravel that covers the floor on the terrace. I walk all the way to the edge and lean on the rail.
As my eyes float on the sight of the mighty city below me, I try desperately to gather my thoughts and analyze every event of the day. With all my might I dismember each little bit of information, every image, every memory of everything that has taken place.
Nothing has really taken place.
‘I really cannot say that something happened. Perhaps I just imagined all this. She is an attractive, interesting woman and anybody would be at least, mildly flattered by her attention. But… was her attention anything so special..? I mean, really. What did she do, she stood in line to get the food? Abby has done that before. What else..? She listened to me while I talked? Kim does that…’
“Kim…” -I mutter- “should I say anything to Kim? I mean, what should I tell her? That I think her junior attending is making a pass at me? Right… like I would inspire her to do that…”
‘But I should tell her… something. I should say something. I practically ran out of that hospital so I just cannot have imagined everything. But… what if this girl was just testing the waters, sort of speak? I mean, she really did not do anything… did she?’
“Hey…”
I turn and find my guardian angel, as usual, a couple of steps behind me. I smile as she approaches.
“What are you doing here? Are you okay?” -she asks in that warm voice of hers.
My eyes cannot leave her and I can’t stop smiling. As she leans over the rail, by my side, I place my left arm over her shoulders and pull her towards me. She tenses a little but I don’t let her go. I really feel fondness for this young woman and decide and that very moment, that I should let her know.
“You are my best friend, Abby. Thank you”.
Surprised and deeply blushed she grins shyly and hides her face from me, by turning her head and looking away.
“Abby... Look at me…”
“Oh come on, Kerry. You’re embarrassing me…”
“I mean it, Abby. Besides Kim, you’re probably the person I trust the most. You’re always there… always watching me… protecting me… I don’t know why, but you always are”.
Abby’s eyes are shut now. She is listening to my words with a great effort as she looks ready to break free and run away, far and fast. Away from me.
“I just wanted to let you know that, Abby. I know what happens when we don’t say in time, what we really feel inside. I could not bear to go through life again knowing that I cared for somebody and never let them know. So there, there you have it. I care for you, Abby, deeply. Thank you for everything”.
As I finish my words, I pull her even closer and plant a soft kiss on her temple.
“You can count on me, as your friend, for the rest of your life Abby”. -I add, softly.
Her eyes are still closed but she smiles now. I let her lose and immediately turn to leave.
As I’m leaving I feel a giggle inside my stomach. It is still very hard to dwell in this business of spilling the emotional beans but God, it feels so good inside.
As I’m about to open the door, I hear Abby’s voice, “Thank you, Kerry…”
“You’re welcome, sweetie. You are very welcome”.
I smile and get inside.
The elevators’ doors open and I walk slowly towards Kim’s office door. It is open, a sign she’s not seeing any patients and I’m free to go in. As I peek my head inside, I find my wife’s eyes buried in charts and books, making notes and scratching her head at the same time.
“Hey…” -I say softly.
She looks up and her blue sapphires greet me with a smile.
‘I absolutely adore my wife’.
“Hi..! You startled me a bit”.
“I’m sorry…” -I say as I come in and close the door behind me. Slowly, I let my crutch takes me to her side. I glanced down and look at her as her eyes go back to her notes. I stop by her side, my knees touching her thigh. My left hand takes a hold of her right arm and she looks up with a surprised look on her face.
“Ker?”
I don’t answer. Instead, I keep pulling her to me. She yields and slowly, stands up to meet me. She still has that bewildered look on her face that I crave for, so much.
When she’s finally up facing me, I softly say, “Kim, would you marry me?”
Her previous look of surprise transforms itself in nano seconds, into a wonderful expression of tenderness and sheer love.
“Yes Kerry…” -She mutters as her strong, lean arms wrap me tightly to her. My nose ends up buried in her chest and I cannot think of another possible place that I rather live and die on, than her chest. I sigh elated, and whisper, “Thank you…”
(End of Chapter IV)
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